This article could easily be called “How I Overcame My Brokenness”. However, I will not make this topic just about me. During the height of my brokenness, I was forced to seek out a Christian therapist. Within the first 3 sessions, I had an epiphany that so many other women were experiencing brokenness during the same time I was. Many I’m sure, at the same perpetual depth, and perhaps could not see an end to their pain either. I realized that I was not unique in my pain; even though I felt alone. It was then that I made the decision that I was going to talk about it. Which, by the way, is one of the ways that you can overcome your brokenness; by talking about it.
First, let’s define brokenness. Brokenness is a noun that can mean something different to everyone based on their experiences and circumstances. Therefore, I’ll share a general definition for a common context.
According to https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/brokenness, brokenness is a state of strong emotional pain that stops someone from living a normal and healthy life. Another definition from the free dictionary defines brokenness as
“forcibly separated into two or more pieces.”
While the origins of our brokenness defer, it is safe to unanimously say that we feel a sense of being shattered into pieces, incomplete or just not whole. One may feel broken because of marital abuse, another because of childhood abuse and or generational curses. Then there’s bullying in schools along with peer pressure, or depression from a dissatisfied life, and a plethora of other factors. However, the overall effect is the same; feeling shattered and incomplete.
The fact is, we also deal with brokenness differently. We’ve defined brokenness and have accepted that you are broken; Now what? Here are a few general pieces of guidelines I believe will be beneficial for every broken person.
1. Figure out the cause of your brokenness. Who broke you? When did they break you? How did they break you?
2. Seek out help.
a. Your help could be a professional therapist or a life coach who has experience dealing with brokenness.
b. Join a support group. Support groups are becoming more popular. Churches are usually the first sources in finding a support group. These can be helpful because you take some of the pressure off yourself when you realize that you’re not alone and also you could be of help to someone else when you share your story.
c. Find an accountability partner. Accountability partners are great because they do just that; hold you accountable for your goals. An accountability partner should be someone you trust because in order to be effective, you will need to be vulnerable. She must be someone who will honor your privacy and be confidential. You can also have a symbiotic relationship where you’re both accountable partners for each other.
d. Pray. As a Christian, I strongly believe in the power of prayer. I believe the Holy Spirit, through prayer and meditation, will guide us to the right person to help us get through our brokenness. He can tell us if we should hire a professional or a layperson. He can choose the right accountability partner. He can give us the joy and peace we desire and deserve. He will lead us into all truth (John 16:13)
3. Take responsibility for the role you play in your brokenness. Being in a broken state is a painful experience and we tend to blame the other people for our situation and in most cases, they’re at fault; However, if we want to be truly honest and take ownership of our healing, we have to search within ourselves to see if there is something we could’ve done or said to prevent our brokenness or its longevity. For example, perhaps you ignored the red flags that your boyfriend was abusive before you married him. You have an intrusive mother who you did not hold accountable when she started interfering in your marriage. Now you’re divorced. You have lost the love of your life and are missing your children who moved five hours away with your ex-wife who has remarried. You did not stand up to your husband at the onset of his controlling behavior. You chalked it up to him loving you and made excuses for him. This leaves you isolated from the people who love you and you feel trapped, confused, and depressed.
4. Hold yourself accountable for your healing. Measure your long-term and short-term goals in practical dosage that are attainable. Change your mindset from that of acceptance to that of intentional purpose to ultimately find emotional balance. You will need to rely on God, your previous brilliance, and your strengths for motivation and encouragement. Read inspirational quotes, journal your progress, and aspire to become an inspiration yourself.
5. Use your brokenness to help other broken people. Pick the parts of your story that you feel comfortable sharing and talk about it. You may be a good writer; write your story. Perhaps you are a great speaker, talk about your story. If you have the gift of listening, you can become a coach. The sky’s the limit here.
The spirit of brokenness leaves you feeling isolated, depressed, lonely, and alone. You feel like nobody understands what you’re going through and you can’t imagine living without these debilitating feelings. I’m here to tell you, that you are not alone. Even Jesus, the Son of God, felt how you’re feeling. He too felt brokenness when He was separated from His Father in the garden of Gethsemane right before His crucifixion.
The story has been told that Jesus asked His Father to take the bitter cup from Him on three separate occasions. As the hour of His crucifixion drew closer, He felt the burden of the world and the more burden He felt, the more He felt separated from His dad. Separation is a classic symptom of brokenness. However, Jesus prayed that His Father would never leave Him (Deu 31: 6-8) and trusted His Father’s heart toward Him.
You too can trust Jesus during your brokenness and that He will help you overcome. You need to desire to surrender your brokenness to Him. “But coach, it’s not that simple. I’ve had this pain since I was a child. I can’t just let it go.” My sincere answer is, “Sure you can.” You only need to make up your mind that you will and do it. Jesus said in John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Sister, you just have to believe that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13).
You might’ve resolved to be broken by living broken, identifying as broken, and committing to being broken; however, you do not have to be. Galatians 4:7 says, “Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.” You and I were slaves to our brokenness because we did not live like daughters of God. We are heirs to the kingdom of heaven (Romans 8:17). That means we should not be living like nobodies; defeated and despondent. We should be living like crown princesses and queens; heirs to the kingdom of Heaven.
God is here for you. He wants to heal your brokenness and put you on a path of restoration. You just have to choose Him. He chose you from before you were in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 29:11). You have to choose to read His Words of comfort and tap into the resources that He’ll put in your path.
Your brokenness is just a pothole on the road of your life’s journey. With the help of Christ, you will get out of it and keep driving towards your hope-filled, joyful destination. You get to decide what your destination looks like; however, I encourage you to think about heaven as you think about earth. Earth is temporary. Heaven is permanent.
Use your brokenness to reserve a spot in heaven. How you choose to do it will depend on your personality, skill set, motivation, and your decided purpose.
Please take a read at my article piece called “Broken Crayons Can Still Paint Beautiful Art for God’s Kingdom.”
Your brokenness is not a death sentence. Use it to bring life to others and you may very well grow to appreciate it as a source of light to a dark, dying world.
Cited
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/brokenness
https://www.thefreedictionary.com/brokenness
Next topic! What if your brokenness wasn’t broken? Kintsugi