My Dearest Sistah-Wife,

You are NOT CRAZY! The mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical realities you are facing are very real. The impact of abuse can be profound, leaving scars that are not always visible to the naked eye. This reality can make it incredibly difficult for victims, as the absence of physical evidence such as cuts, bruises, or black eyes can lead to doubt and questioning of your own experiences. I am here to assure you of the validity of your feelings of confusion, fear, and sadness, and to let you know it’s important to acknowledge and hone them.

As you read these words, know that you are not alone. I understand that you have been silently enduring a painful, difficult, and challenging time in your life and I am here to let you know that even though you may feel tired and overwhelmed at times, you are strong, resilient, and deserving of love and respect.

Abuse can take many forms, and it can be incredibly subtle. It can leave you questioning your own sanity, making you doubt your own perceptions and experiences. Know you are not to blame for what you have endured. You deserve to be treated with love, patience, and kindness.

It’s crucial to recognize the toll that abuse can take on your body and mind. The constant stress, anxiety, and fear can manifest in various ways, such as sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, or even physical ailments. Your body is reacting to the trauma you have experienced, and it’s important to prioritize your well-being.

As a wife, the abuse may cause you to feel constantly on edge, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering your husband’s anger or outbursts. This can lead to a sense of hypervigilance and a constant need to please, which can be emotionally exhausting. I cannot stress it enough that this is not your fault and that you deserve to be in a relationship built on love, respect, and mutual support.

As a mother, the abuse can impact your ability to be fully present for your children. The constant stress and emotional turmoil can make it difficult to provide the nurturing and stable environment that children need. It’s important to remember that seeking help and support is not only beneficial for you but also for your children. You are their role model, and by prioritizing your well-being, you are teaching them the importance of self-care and healthy relationships.

Sistah-friend, please hear this message. Your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-value are not defined by the abuse you have endured. You are a unique and valuable individual, and it is not your fault if your husband is not cognizant of that. It will take time and support to rebuild your confidence, but it is possible and it is your responsibility to do so. Surround yourself with positive influences, challenge negative self-talk, and practice self-compassion and self-awareness. Celebrate your strengths, talents, and accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.

In navigating the challenges of an abusive relationship, it’s important to remember that you have the right to stand up for yourself and prioritize your well-being. While it can be a delicate situation, it’s worth having an open and honest conversation with your husband about the impact of his behavior on your health and the need for change for the sake of your marriage.

Approaching this conversation with empathy and assertiveness can help create a space for dialogue and potential growth. Express your concerns and feelings in a calm and non-confrontational manner, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, love, and support in a healthy relationship. Share how his actions have affected you and express your desire for a more positive and nurturing marriage.

Encourage him to seek professional help to address the underlying issues that contribute to his abusive behavior. Let him know that you believe in his capacity to change and that you are willing to support him in his journey towards personal growth and healing. Emphasize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards creating a healthier and happier relationship.

Sistah-friend, it’s important to remember that change takes time and effort, and it is ultimately up to your husband to take responsibility for his actions and seek the help he needs. While you can encourage and support him, it is imperative to prioritize your own safety and well-being. If, despite your efforts, the abusive behavior continues and poses a threat to your physical or emotional safety, it may be necessary to consider seeking professional advice or exploring other options to ensure your own protection.

You need to assert your needs and boundaries, advocate for your own well-being, and set the stage for a healthier life; with or without your husband. Do not become like him. Do not lose your sweetness. Saving your marriage must not be more important than saving your health and your identity as a beloved daughter of God. Be intentional about showing up for yourself in the way that you’d like your husband to show up for you.

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Here is a little secret sis, you have the power to convert your pain into purpose by sharing your story and raising awareness about the secret sin called domestic abuse. By raising awareness about the hidden nature of domestic abuse and validating the experiences of other victims, we can create a safe space for them to heal, seek help, and reclaim their sense of self-worth and empowerment. There are women who may or may not know that there is a name for what they are experiencing (domestic abuse) and that they can’t love their husbands into changing their hurtful behaviors and treat them with the love and dignity they deserve. Sis, you can make a meaningful impact and help others who may be going through similar situations. Your journey of healing and growth can become a source of inspiration and empowerment for others.

Lastly, I want to assure you that God sees and cares deeply about you and your marriage. In the Bible, there are scriptures that offer comfort, hope, and promises. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Isaiah 41:10 assures us that God is with us, strengthening and upholding us. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you,” Isaiah 43:2 AMPC. God has not given up on you nor your husband and is very disappointed and angry that you are hurting. No matter how hopeless you might feel or how difficult the struggle, please know that the God who died for you wants better for you.

Please know that you do not have to go on this journey alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide support and guidance. There are organizations and communities that can offer additional resources and a safe space to share your experiences.

You are strong, resilient, and deserving of a life filled with love, joy, and peace. It may take time, but with the right support and resources, you can heal and rebuild your life on your own terms. Again, you are not defined by the abuse you have experienced. You are a beloved child of God, and He desires for you to live a life of freedom, love, and purpose.

With unwavering Love and Support,

Her Virtuous Purpose

PS
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please seek help immediately. Contact your local helpline or the national helpline at 800-799-7233

PPS
If you have questions or would like to hear about our Pain to Purpose coaching program, please reach out to us at natalie@hervirtuouspurpose.com and we’ll be happy to schedule a FREE consultation call.