“With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side,” Holistic Health Coach and Nutrition Counselor.
Undoubtedly, the journey of life is filled with uncertainties. Let’s imagine that your life’s journey is a car ride from your current location to your desired destination. Your current location is your ‘while’; where you are now in life. The things you are dealing with: your home, family, career, mundane responsibilities. Day after day, you get out of bed and you do the same old, same old; humdrum, monotonous tasks of fixing breakfast, or stopping at Starbuck. Taking a shower, driving the same route to work, eating the same lunch, resenting the same colleagues, or not. Perhaps you have a great relationship with your colleagues; however, it’s the same daily routine.
You head back home on the same route; perhaps you pick up something for dinner on the way. Maybe you have children in after school activities or who you need to help with their homework. Eventually everyone is off to bed and you’re left to straighten up your home before you shower and off to bed; only to do the same thing the next day. You’ve checked off every item on your to-do list; however, something is missing. Your current geographical location is safe. You live in a nice neighborhood. Your children go to good schools. Your man loves you. You have a couple “good friends”. To the outside world, your life is perfect, but to you, something is missing.
You know you should be happy; however, you’re depressed and or anxious, feeling stuck and or unmotivated, hating your situation, feeling unappreciated. Your ‘while’ has you in a state of emotional, mental, spiritual and even financial disequilibrium. Your children love you but you feel alone. You know you’re doing better than millions of people but you still feel incomplete. You know that God is real but you can’t feel Him. You make ‘good money’ at work, but you can’t take a vacation. You feel sad, hopeless and or hopeful with the thought that one day it will get better ‘when’…
Your ‘when’ is your destination. The place you wish you were right now. You tell yourself that you will go there when the children are all grown up and leave for college. You know you need more rest so you can emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically recoup; however you ‘just don’t have the time right now’. You’ve been meaning to take that solo vacation but you’ve convinced yourself that your family would resent you and feel neglected; therefore, you keep putting it off. You bombard your thoughts with counterfactual thinking like: “if only I was born into a wealthy family, my life would be so much easier”. “If only my children weren’t so small, I could leave them for a weekend get-a-way with my man”. “If only I had finished college, I’d have a better job and make more money and live in a bigger house and drive a nicer car”.
Sister! I must confess that I’m speaking about myself not very long ago. Self-care and intentionally prioritizing myself was minuscule to non-existent. I had all the excuses imaginable why I needed to put myself on the back burner. I was in a state of perpetual “when”. When I start making more money, I’ll be able to update my wardrobe. When I pay off the boys’ tuition, I’ll take that solo vacation to a beach resort. When I clear all these cobwebs out of my mind, I’ll be happy. When I do this, I’ll do that. When I! when I! When I! The when never came until I made it happen.
You were created to live in your “when”. That is why you are longing for it. That is why you’re dissatisfied with the “while”. The “when” is your self-fulfilling prophecy. The person you know you’re supposed to be. That thing you know you are supposed to be doing to find true meaning and joy in your life right now. You know there is more; however, most people do not know how to combine their when and their while. Our ‘when’ should not be a gift we reserve for the future, but a present we enjoy during our ‘while’.
I have news for you! You can start living your ‘when’ today. You can start your life journey toward your destination this instant. This trip is like any other trip you’ve planned in the past. You don’t just jump in your car and start driving. Most people first decide on their destination, the reason for the trip, map out their route and pack their bags. This life trip is very similar.
You will need to get into your car of life, turn on your ignition of intentionality, release the handbrake of self-doubt, negative thoughts and procrastination. Put into drive your inspirations, determination and motivation. Accelerate your mindset and steer towards your destination while living in your while.
You do not have to drive 95 miles down the road. The scripture points out that the race is not for the swift but for the one who endures to the end (Ecc.9:11). The goal is to start driving in the direction toward your destination; the person, place or thing that you know, that you know, that you know will bring you a satisfactory change in your life. The place where you know you will find hope, peace, joy and yourself; even though you’re in your state of ‘while’: sad, anxious, uncertain. Drive purposefully. Drive intentionally. Drive with the expectation of getting to the destination. Some parts of the road may be bumpy. Some parts may have potholes and the weather might not be perfect. However, do not give up until you get there.
Do not take on this trip alone. Find yourself an accountability partner. Someone you can trust with your thoughts, feelings and weaknesses. This person can be a professional life coach, a therapist, or a pastor. She can also be a trusted friend or family member. A good accountability partner will help you meet your goals. As Christians, we know that the Holy Spirit is always there for us. He leads and directs our paths into the paths that Christ intends for us; however, He will not force Himself on us. James 4:3 says, “We have not because we ask not” (paraphrased). Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). You should not attempt to go anywhere without Him and expect to live in the light and have an abundant life. He will guide you into all truths so that your life will be more fulfilled.
You were not created to be sad, mad, depressed, confused, depleted, abused. You were created to be happy, joyful. When you were created by God, he said it was good; however, the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy(John 10:10) will make you feel less than good.
He tells you that you’ll experience the good when you figure out how to get over the bad. Bad will always happen because we live in a sinful world. However, we can still experience good in the bad if we learn how to intentionally tap into the word of God. You can live wealthy with just a little bit of money in the bank. You can live joyfully, even though our world seems to be falling apart. We can find peace in the middle of the storm.
You just need to learn how to be intentional and change your mindset so that of success, determination, motivation, and inspiration. We can live our “when” during our “while”.
Reach out to me if you would like to see if I can coach you to live your ‘when’ as you go through your “while”.